Wait? You know my ex-mother-in-law?

The realisations that evolve over years, the depth of dysfunction, unexamined (ridiculously unrealistic) assumptions, sophistication of manipulative techniques, astonishing immaturity, examples laid out for children, boundaries to establish and hold, the long lasting ramifications and ultimately battles to choose, are far more complicated to consider than whether or not to send the fucking birthday card.

I like living in the healthier (imaginary) picture of a relationship that Kris paints in her writing than anything I’ve experienced. Though that experience has taught me what to potentially avoid. It also sheds light, ala dimmer switch, on the ways my own behavior and attitudes contributed the the implosion of my marriage and ultimate black hole left it its wake.

It find myself exhibiting knee jerk reactions/endorsements to my/the victim story and then a weary, loving friend points out either the other side or at least a different, equally valuable perspective and I get to revisit.

Thank you for your great response. Well written and a delightful blend of wisdom and wry humour.