Charity is Great But, What’s In It For Me?
Should giving be about my happiness?
With the Judaeo/Christian holidays upon us, appeals for donations to non-profits and charities are in full swing. Many are moved by the sentiments of the season; the more cynical might acknowledge the tax deduction deadline. And there are many who choose not to give. In an article by Jason Marsh and Jill Suttie titled 5 Ways Giving Is Good for You, I thought the entire premise was missing the point. Does everything have to be framed around our own self-interest? I got thinking about the organizations I support throughout the year and some of the reasons I give:
Random Privilege
I had no control over where and when I was born. I am an upper-middle class American white woman earning in the top 3% of US salaries. I could just as easily have been born in South Sudan or a village in India or any of the other poor, brown places in the US and the world. There is nothing I did to “deserve” what I have. This is not to diminish the effort and risks I have taken to get where I am — I (eventually) got a bachelor’s degree, pursued a useless MBA, ran/owned several small businesses and spent the last 15 years navigating corporate America. Due to privilege most of it came relatively easily.
“Be not troubled in poverty nor confident in riches, for poverty is followed by riches, and riches are followed by poverty.”
It Could All Be Gone Tomorrow
There are countless sayings and stories admonishing generosity and the fragility of life, including the season’s A Christmas Carol. My favorite, though less well-known is: “Be not troubled in poverty nor confident in riches, for poverty is followed by riches, and riches are followed by poverty.” Life is transitory. Everything we love or are stressing about could all be gone in an instant. So while I happen to be okay financially, I give. I benefit as well, don’t get me wrong. I’m paying off my car, saving for retirement, putting two kids through college. But beyond a comfortable life in the present and putting away for the future, my incremental gain on $50, whether on crap from Target or food I didn’t cook turning into crap, is small. $50 to a person who has nothing or to an organization making bigger changes in the world, can be significant.
…being willing to receive care and kindness not only grew my feelings of love and gratitude, it also reinforced my commitment to give when I can.
The Yin to Giving’s Yang
Every life has hills and valleys. There have been times when I got sick, lost a job, had a family crisis — and people helped me. I once got down to 57¢. I put it in the gas tank (fine, it was a long time ago) and friends fed me until I got caught back up. When I was fired, I put my kids on Medicaid to be sure they’d be covered until I found another job. When pregnant and on bed rest with my third child, my husband was diagnosed with TB and put in isolation in the hospital, friends and community took my sons to and from school, cooked meals, did my laundry and cleaned my house. Initially I resisted accepting the help. But being willing to receive care and kindness not only bolstered my feelings of love and gratitude, it also reinforced my commitment to give when I can.
Your chickens will definitely come home to roost;
And Then There’s Karma
I use the pedestrian definition of Karma: what goes around, comes around. I know it’s more complicated and nuanced, but this simplified version helps me stay calm in the face of frustration and hold my tongue when snark is ready to leap out of my mouth. It has allowed me to take people in who need a place to live, lend my car or buy someone a coat. I never know when I’ll be the one needing a bed or a coat… “riches are followed by poverty”. And maybe it won’t be me, maybe it will be my child or grandchild who receives the gift of good karma passed down through generations. Your chickens will definitely come home to roost; here’s hoping your chickens have a comfortable sofa bed.
Giving to something that creates instead of destroys makes getting out of bed in the morning something I still want to do.
Hanging On To Hope
The last 12 months have been challenging, and not just because of Trump. My daughter’s attempted suicide, the aftermath of home schooling and integrating her back into high school — all full of small triumphs and setbacks. I know I’m doing everything I can to help her, but sometimes, alone in the dark, I forget to be in the moment. I worry about what might happen. Serving others gets me out of my head, pumps up my gratitude for all I have and helps me hang on to hope. When the world is turned inside out, in my personal life and in that larger world I hardly recognize anymore, giving to something that creates instead of destroys makes getting out of bed in the morning something I still want to do.
By the way, giving also makes us feel happy, is good for our health, promotes cooperation and social connection and evokes gratitude (see first paragraph).
Some of My Favorite Non-Profits (alpha order)
Alexander’s Toy Trunk — started by a 9-year-old, provides gifts and support to hospitalized children.
DonorsChooose.org — supports teachers and classrooms with supplies or other projects. I pick underserved schools in my area.
Kiva.org — crowdsourcing entrepreneurs in developing countries, with a 97% repayment rate. You can reinvest your dollars hundreds of times over and over. I’ve made 179 loans in the last 8 years, using basically my original donation. I choose to support women in southern Africa.
Modest Needs — crowdsourcing small, emergency grants to low-income workers who are at risk of slipping into poverty.
Mona Foundation — Girls Education and Gender Equality
NPR — I give to my local station. We need independent news (I know they lean left).
Tahirih Justice Center — an US-based NGO protecting immigrant women and girls fleeing gender-based violence and persecution.
